When you work for a brewery you have access to a copious amount of beer. Over the 5 years I have been at Iron Horse I have acquired a glorious collection of brews. I very well could have built a separate house to store my collection, but I didn’t. That’s stupid. Instead I have decided to list ways I have used beer to improve my life besides drinking it myself. I know, very selfless of me.
- The Garbage Man. Like every other good human walking this planet, garbage men enjoy beer. Shocker. Besides figuring out their love for it, I also figured out garbage men are magic. After putting a six pack of beer on top of the trash bins, the “extra bag” charge simply disappeared off my bill. Side note- I have no idea how people do not fill up the shoebox size of a container we are expected to cram all our trash in every week, it’s ridiculous.
- The Apology. A time or two in my life I have had to bite the bullet and apologize, not because I wanted to but usually if I don’t situations become too awkward, even for me. Now I have it down to a science; sit down, say “sorry,” put the beer on the table, walk away before they can say anything. Works every time. I classify someone as an alien if they are still mad after given liquid gold. *Disclaimer, this might not work for you if you royally fudged up. Sorry.
- Pizza For Beer. After a night of drinking or before a night of drinking pizza is always part of the plan. I would literally bow down to whoever created the culinary masterpiece. Like garbage men, pizza guys also enjoy cracking open fresh cans of Irish Death. After I order a pizza, before I even have time to look in my wallet for some spare cash to tip with , the pizza arrives and there isn’t a bill in sight. Why? When I open the door and am handed a fresh hot pie, I slowly place a six pack into the pizza guy’s empty hands and say “you’re welcome.” I now receive free breadsticks. Winning.
Over the years I have learned there are some occasions where beer sharing isn’t appropriate. For example, paying the neighbor boy in beer to mow your lawn usually results in his mother setting you on fire. Cops love beer but not from a girl crying in the front seat, he/she will take the beer but you will still get a ticket. When you are a terrible driver and accidentally bump into another vehicle, beer does not make the dent go away, don’t try to convince the other person that it will.
The moral of my stories is to drink beer but more importantly share beer occasionally. It will benefit you greatly.