How to please your partner and go to the bar

Up to this point, grocery shopping has been more or less an irritating necessity. It will always be a necessity, but it doesn’t have to be irritating. But it usually is and here is why; I don’t make the list and it is freaking chaos.

Let’s start with dispensing a possible argument you (the reader) might have. Hey Greg, you chauvinistic prick, maybe you should make the list! Fair point. I do, sometimes, maybe 15% of the time but the reality is we (my wife and I) have split up our roles along sort of traditional gender lines. I’m pretty helpful with domestic duties and Natalia takes exception to your insinuation that she can’t stand up for herself so just calm down, got it?

So, here I am, on occasion heading to the grocery store with a list that looks something like this:
Gluten Free Pasta (i know, i’m such a hypocrite)
Almond Milk (Boooring)
Broccoli
Tomato paste
Macaroni and cheese
Apples
Hummus
Kale (just trying to hook you up with some fun stereotyping opportunities here)
Mustard
Can of Black Beans

And so on and so forth. If I added the things on the list to my cart in that order and there was a line tracing my steps you would think I was a drunk toddler with attention deficit disorder, and that’s why it’s annoying. In my mind, a grocery list needs to be in the order in which the the store organizes it’s products. Things ought to be grouped in the list as they are in the store, not like the psychedelic stream of consciousness that it usually is.

For example:
Gluten Free Pasta
Macaroni and Cheese
Broccoli
Apples
Kale
Tomato Paste
Mustard
Can of black beans
Almond Milk
Hummus

(notice no beer! I love this brewery)

Yup, the list has items that are grouped together in the store grouped together in the list. Seems pretty obvious to me. Well, I have seen the light. I am glad it isn’t obvious to everyone because what once was an annoyance is now an opportunity.

And I have Aimee to thank for that.

Aimee, would you tell the kind readers what you told me?

FROM AIMEE:

Well, let me begin by saying, a grocery list with no beer, is no grocery list at all. To continue, let me paint this picture for you.

A man who has got it all figured out. A genius who decided to make an opportunity out of a dreaded chore. He, who will remain nameless (mostly because I am unsure of his name) came into [ the pub ] one day a while back. Tending the bar, I catch a glimpse of this man in a focused routine: scratching things out, writing things down, taking a sip of IPA. I’m intrigued by his relaxed demeanor yet concentration on this piece of paper. Week after week, this man comes in to do the same thing.

Fast forward a couple months and my mind begins to ponder what he may be doing… recording his hopes and dreams? Writing reviews of Iron Horse beers? Pros and cons of the service I’m giving him? All good things. However, my curiosity got the best of me. I had to ask what he was scratching out and writing down.

Well, his wife sends him off every week with a grocery list. Understandably, the list is written down in order of when the household ran out of each item. After what I can only imagine was a few unorganized and time consuming shopping trips, a solution was found. He comes into [ the pub ] with the grocery list and reorganizes the list in a way so he can follow one pathway throughout the store. Meanwhile, he gets to drink an Iron Horse Beer while doing so.

Now follow this logic, the time he’d spend on a disorderly grocery store trip, is the same time he spends stopping in the pub to get a beer to reconstruct his list and then go shopping. BRILLIANT.

Moral of the story: everything has the opportunity to become better.

FROM GREG:

I feel the need to add my moral to the story too, if you are smart you can drink beer and lead a happier domestic life.

 

One comment on “How to please your partner and go to the barAdd Your Comment

  1. Simon on

    Like so many things, this sh/could be automated. I am far too lazy to execute the idea, but my suggestion was an app (most likely a proprietary one specific to each major grocer) that allows you to select the products you want and the generate an ideal path and order. Obviously this would be dependant on each store keeping a current product map, but if those giant companies aren’t using that sort of oversight already, I wonder why not.

    Reply

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