Sometimes, I find it difficult to write updates on things, so instead I pretend I have an Aunt Gertrude and write her letters.
Dear Aunt Gertrude,
It’s been 6 months since our last real correspondence, so I thought I’d take the time to write you a fictitious letter and update you on some things that have happened over the summer with Iron Horse Brewery, as well as let you know what I plan to do, so you can maybe come out and visit. I miss your caramel pies.
Remember how I was telling you about our High Five Hefe in 12 oz cans becoming available to the market and for the first 5 weeks upon it’s release we would collect nominations for charities and give a portion of proceeds to the top nominated charities. I lied. It took longer than 5 weeks. In fact, it’s taken until, well, now. I’m not blaming anyone, but for some reason we thought we had the ability to go from 0 to 100 in 2 seconds. We don’t have that ability Aunt Gertrude. Why? Overly optimistic perhaps. In any case, we are planning on revealing winners on October 1st and send out notifications to those organizations.
I bet your wondering what will happen with www.morehighfive.com afterwards? Probably nothing. We will keep it up indefinitely, like a bad prescription of cialis, because we believe that High Fives are important. It’s why I never hug you when I see you. Because a) high fives are better than hugging and b) you smell like musty rose pedals. I’m sorry that may sound mean, but I’m working on being more direct. Self improvement, right?
Last January, we had a brilliant idea to make 3 types of beer, not label them, and send them out to bars and restaurants. We called it Iron Horse Brewlette. The first round was pretty successful – by our standards – as you can see by the infographic here. Well, the second, and final round, is coming to a close, we will be drawing the winners on October 1st at around 4:43pm, then after that, no more guesses. I know how much you like to drink alcoholic beverages, then ignore your friends and get on your smart phone to guess what you are drinking. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to do that with Iron Horse Brewlette after the 1st of October. To make it up to you, I’ve purchased 12 different flavors of Boones Farm, and scratched out the labels, so that should keep you busy for a while.
Over the summer, we had three interns at Iron Horse Brewery. They were all pretty fantastic. They made pictures of some of your favorite movies. I’m pretty sure they became dumber as a result of interning. But, we ended up hiring all three of them, which is not a sustainable business practice, I’m guessing. Anyhow, you would definitely be into #mustachepete.
Also, over the summer we had another round of fires in the area. Because the brewery is horrible at fighting fires, we decided to partner up with our brewery friends, Icicle Brewing Company, and we released a Beer vs Fire branded 22oz bottle to help raise money for wildfire victims. See, all of that standing on the street corners selling lemonade for “charity” worked. Only this time, we are really giving the money to the charity, not to your checking account. So far we have raised about $7,000 which is just over half of the goal.
The brewery celebrated it’s 10 year anniversary. That was fun. We put Gary’s face on the label. That was also fun.
What else? I tried contacting General Mills about getting Bugles for the pub. In short, they don’t have a bulk option. I hate them for that, but they were very helpful in trying to find a solution, so there is that.
Lastly, Mocha Death is about to be released again this year. I know how much you like coffee, cocoa and irish death. So now you won’t have to dump hershey’s syrup and instant coffee in your pint of irish death.
Well, that’s it for now. Also, please send money and caramel pie.
Oh, yeah I also like to pretend I’m female and my name is Margaret. TMI?