The Art of Pickin’ up Chicks at Beer Festivals

*Originally written by Marissa Toussaint

Beer festivals are a great way to mingle with friends, meet people, and try new beers. With the craft beer world being slightly overrun with the male specimen, beer festivals tend to be a buncha dudes seeing how many 5 oz. pours they can slug down before losing their glass and starting an intimate wrestling match with each other.

When a group of single women show up to a festival suddenly each and every one of them is the the muse behind “ms new booty,” and they have most definitely been found. Being a bystander behind the taps, I watch it all go down and find it quite hilarious. It’s more entertaining and quite frankly equivalent to watching National Geographic. Below are some real-life examples of things I have heard at festivals. This is not meant to be inspiration, let it be known that not one of these pick-up lines ended with a number exchange. 

  1. “You’re a 7.5 but your personality makes you a 10.”
  2. “You’re really exotic…what are you?”– um, human?
  3. Don’t compare a woman to an Ostrich just because they have long limbs. This is not a compliment. Actually, don’t compare any woman to an animal. It usually won’t turn out in your favor.
  4. “Wow you’re so pretty, you kinda look like my mom.”
  5. “You MUST have a nice personality.”
  6. “You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.”
  7. “I see you plucked your eyebrows today, they look really nice.”
  8. “You would make a very handsome man….”
  9. “You have really beautiful friends. What are their names, are they single?”
  10. “I put the STD in stud all I need is you.”

 

OK, the last one on the list I might’ve just added for fun.

Next time you’re at a festival, remember my words. If you’re trying to pick up on the ladies, don’t compare them to their mother, say nothing about their brothers, and make sure you’re not trying to hit on their friends. Follow these rules and you’ll be set. you’re welcome.

xoxo Marty

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