Camping Tips From a Real Dirt Bag

I love what I do, but I love not doing what I do even more.

van

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job (and I’m not saying that just cause my boss is going to skim over this).  Work can be crazy at times but it’s something I enjoy.  The people here are direct, authentic, and pretty darn fun.  Basically, I’m one of those lucky jerks that is excited to go to work on Monday.  But… my dream is to buy a full size van, strap a motorcycle to the back, and go camping forever.         

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Although, spending every summer traveling and camping by van as much as possible will force you to get crafty.  Here’s some tips that you might find useful this summer.  

5 Ways to Keep Your Beer Cold

Cooler.
Duh.
The real tip here is that if you freeze all the food you can before you set off, everything will stay colder longer and require less ice.
**Bonus pro tip**

cooler
You can use a 6 pack topper to keep the lid open and air out your cooler on the way home.  How many times have you opened up a cooler after a trip and been hit in the face with a wave of musty air?

Hole in the Ground.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Dig a hole about 8-10” deep and about a foot wide, dump some ice in there (if you have it) and cover it up with a towel.  It works best if you can keep your beer clean in a plastic bag.  For the love of god, replace your divots before you leave.  

hole

Ridiculous? Yes. But it’s better than drinking your own piss.urine jokes

Domestic Box + Ice.
Let’s say that you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and your only option for beer is a box of domestic beer from a hole-in-the-wall convenience store.  Not all is lost. The thin cardboard on those boxes is more resilient than you may think.  The trick is to take any interior cardboard out of the case and a couple beers out of each level of the box to make room for ice.  Then, just pour some ice into the box.  The box should stay intact long enough for your campfire to go out.  You could take all of the beers out, line the box with a fresh trash bag, and then repack the box with ice and beer. But…

time for that

What if that convenience store is waaaaay out in the middle of nowhere and doesn’t even have an ice machine?  Look for some kind of frozen vegetable in the store that you can chill beer with and then cook up with dinner later.  If all else fails, just pretend you’re Canadian and drink your Wildcat Strong at room temperature.

Mesh Bag in the River.
What’s the point of living in a van down by the river if you’re not utilizing the river?  You can use a mesh bag and some rocks to submerge your beers.  If you don’t have a mesh bag handy you can place rocks into the a small semi circle to make a dam for your beer.  

rocks

Just make sure you don’t pull a Damnation.  Put all the rocks back when you’re done.
**If you’re putting cans in a river make sure the rim of the can is 100% clean before you start drinking.  Giardia isn’t fun (even if it is called beaver fever).**

Case Stacker.
If you’re lucky enough to find a case or two of cans at the grocery store, you can take a second cardboard case and flip it over the create a small pocket of cold air.  Though temporary, this should keep the beers cold for up to 4 hours.  You can increase the longevity of this trick by duct taping the seam of the two boxes.     

 

case

case 2

The World is Your Bottle Opener

can opener

How many times have you had to get crafty to open a bottle of beer when no one has an opener handy?  I think most people will agree the classic move is to leverage a lighter underneath the cap. You can apply that same principle with just about anything with a square edge.

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The easier route is to find something that has a hard edge that you can pop the beer cap off with.  Anything from a car hitch, to a camp spot sign will work.  Just make sure that you’re hooking the metal lip of the cap and not the glass beneath it.  Also, don’t be an idiot and ruin a sign or something with this.     

flat surface bottle opener

 

One comment on “Camping Tips From a Real Dirt BagAdd Your Comment

  1. TEAM ROBOT on

    WISD WORDS PITIFUL HUMAN YOU WILL DIE LAST

    Reply

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