How to Spot A Basic Bitch

Everyone is at least a little bit basic, yes even men. It’s impossible not to be, humans have been on Earth for about 200,000 years, there’s nothing new under the sun, you’re just like everybody else, you’re a basic bitch. If you’re not familiar with the term basic bitch (or simply “basic”) it can be defined as this: a slang term used to pejoratively describe someone (usually a woman) who is perceived to predominantly like mainstream products, trends or music while at the same time fearing and disliking diversity. 

While some women embrace the label others take offense if you mention it around them. But there’s nothing shameful about being a basic bitch. If you are one, you probably are in a relationship, have a lot of friends, and you’re probably happier than the average person. Historically basic bitches don’t drink a lot of craft beer but that is starting to change though nerds and hipsters still dominate the indie brew pub atmosphere. And when BBs are found in a brewpub, half the time you’ll catch them drinking wine.

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A bunch of Han Solos aka Basic Bitches

Think you’ve seen one hanging around at [ the pub ]? Here are some sure signs you have.

  • She takes a picture. Doesn’t matter if it’s of herself, the food, the beer, a sign, whatever. 
  • She’s not alone. Like I said before, basic bitches have an army of basic bitch friends backing them up and they would be the last ones to go to a pub alone.
  • She’s wearing a Beyonce shirt. That woman’s fan club is basically a cult that breeds basic.
  • Her eyebrows are on point. You’ll know it when you see it.
  • She has any of these words tattooed on her: Breathe, Live, Laugh, Love, Let it be, or anything in a language that isn’t her native tongue.
  • She has any of these images tattooed on her: stars, a small cross, dreamcatcher, infinity sign, feather, peace sign, anything turning into birds, anything along her spine. 
  • She’s drinking anything other than beer.
  • Her nose is pierced but no other part of her face is.
  • Her hair is ombre.
  • She’s wearing leggings or yoga pants.
  • She dresses like Han Solo. 
  • Her hair is in a bun or partial bun at the top of her head.

So you think you’ve found one. Introduce yourself, and get to know the lady. If you discover any of the below is true about her you probably found a BB.

Classic hand on stomach pose. Is he pregnant or something?

Classic hand on stomach pose. Is he pregnant or something?

  • She has watched every or nearly every episode of Friends and/or it’s her favorite show (though Grey’s Anatomy is a close second). 
  • She studied education, human resources or anything in the communication department.  
  • She’s studied abroad in Europe.
  • Mean Girls is one of her favorite movies.
  • At least five T-Swift songs are on her iPod.
  • She loves country music.
  • She doesn’t drink black coffee unless there’s no other option.
  • Fall is her favorite season.
  • Her Insta bio mentions how happy she is, is a bible verse and/or includes a date that’s important to her…and she refers to Instagram as Insta.
  • Speaking of Instagram, make note if she has a picture with a guy where her hand is on his stomach. Though they don’t have to be kissing like in the picture to the left. 
  • She’s in a sorority.

So you’ve found yourself a basic bitch, what do you do next? Be friends with her. Teach her how to enjoy something other than wine if she doesn’t already. Basic bitches aren’t always the most unique people but they’re usually kind, thoughtful and altruistic. You can’t develop an army of basic bitch friends by being, well…a bitch.  Once you’ve established a relationship with a basic bitch get ready for trips to the pumpkin patch, Pinterest recipes and yoga classes. Chances are your life will be better off after you’ve experienced all three.

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